This article represents my personal views on events during the (unofficial) Catalan referendum in 2017 – written whilst waiting to check in for a flight at Barcelona airport and is a reminder that travel isn’t all sandy beaches and cocktails. It can be gritty realism and immersion in the lives of real people which puts a whole different perspective on things. Whilst originally written several years ago and now updated in 2023, I hope that it shows how making an effort to understand what you experience on a personal level can affect you beyond any spectacular Instagram location
I always do my best to learn about the history and to understand about the different cultures and customs of the places that I visit and that summer was no different. I had visited Catalunya and Spain many times over the years so it was time that I researched and investigated the history of the Spanish Civil War. As a result, the political events that I found myself in the middle of, held even more emotion for me.
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Why did I cry when I left friends behind in Colombia or why did I bawl my eyes out as my plane took off from Rio after travelling for a year in South America. On a travel day, I usually sit quietly at bus stations or at airports reflecting on why I feel driven to leave the people that I care for and whom I know that I will deeply miss.
As a travel writer and a blogger I was always very excited to be travelling again, but moving on from a place where I have begun to put down some roots will always be tinged with sadness. Friends tend to be made quickly when you are backpacking and I guess the majority of us are looking for connections and meaning to our lives. I have made many good friends from all around the world but I always know that the chances of meeting again will not happen in the majority of cases.
But as another hot summer drew to a close in 2017 the leaving felt different. I felt as if I were abandoning my friends. I was leaving behind a country that’s very uncertain of her future. I had been in Spain for more than twelve months (with many side trips around Europe) learning about Spanish history and I’m proud to say that I was becoming quite proficient in one of her languages. I’ve travelled through some difficult regions in the world but this was the first time when I had been a part of a disturbing situation unfurling live and as it happens. Looking back I wonder was it that dramatic compared to say, experiencing the Covid pandemic, but it was dramatic because I had an inkling that this part of Spain had far more to offer me in the future and as I have already said, many people that I cared about were on the front line and involved. (Click here to find out how that turned out)
As I left for the airport I could only hope that things would settle down and quickly, common sense and dialogue will prevail and no side would lose face. But especially now, we must all be aware of how seemingly overnight a small disagreement can erupt into a full blown argument followed by hatred and divisions. Since then, there have been unbelievable conflicts in the Ukraine, Syria and Sudan and I am moved to tears when I think of how my friends in the beautiful country of Myanmar are suffering.
But coming back to that day in 2017 and without any Latin blood in my veins I could only try to imagine how deep the feelings of mistrust, past wrongs and a sense of national pride can run. It seems whilst all around the world many people want the benefits of a globalised planet, many individuals are turning back to their ancestral roots, embracing languages, customs and cultures and wanting to highlight their self-identity within smaller communities.
My grandmother was punished
My grandmother was banned from speaking Welsh in her school as a child and she was beaten by the teachers when she was overheard speaking anything other than English. Catalans, under Franco suffered an even worst fate if they were heard speaking their language in public. I understand the need to claim an identity: I am Welsh, British and European but never English despite having long forgotten the Welsh language that I learnt in school and that my grandmother spoke to me. I also know that to force a people to abandon their own culture and to adopt another is only done in an attempt to subdue and to degrade them. It usually only harbours resentment and it can become a ticking time bomb.
the awesome Welsh flag
Over the years there have been calls for Welsh independence but for now those voices are in the minority. Wales is not a wealthy region of the United Kingdom and it used to receive a lot of European money (I still cannot for the life of me understand why, apart from in Cardiff, the majority voted for Brexit), and the region is better as part of the larger unit of Great Britain. The people from Cardiff which is the capital city of Wales are among the friendliest and most accepting of other cultures that I have met all around the world.
I do understand some of the Catalan people’s call for independence from Spain and I also understand the reluctance of the Spanish government to let them vote for change. But I will never understand how, in a democracy, a government can instruct its police force or army to turn on peaceful protesters with violence. I was there on Sunday 1st October. I witnessed first hand the feelings of horror, shame and disbelief that shook the region.
The (illegal) Catalan referendum.
On 1st October many of the Catalan people wanted the right to cast their vote for independence. This election may have been illegal in the eyes of the law but the people were putting a cross on a piece of paper. They were not marching in the streets or planting bombs. They were not screaming offensive racial obscenities, burning down banks or looting shopping malls. They were simply entering schools and village halls to put a cross on a piece of paper in an attempt to pursuade the Spanish government that the majority of people wanted independence.
Under Spanish constitution the vote and therefore the result of it was illegal. In the run up to the election, because it was deemed to be illegal, no proper organised debates could take place although local newspapers and Catalan television and radio stations did their best, and everybody in every bar had an opinion one way or another. Many people may not have had access to all of the facts BUT at the end of the day, they were queuing up to put a cross on a piece of paper not to cause anarchy.
And then the Spanish government threatened to send in the ‘storm troopers’. There were rumours that tanks would even be deployed and polling stations would be closed down.
History must not be repeated
I have friends on both sides of the ‘border’. I have friends in Madrid and friends in the Basque Country. I have Catalan friends and Spanish friends who live in Catalunya. People were worried and they had a deep mistrust of the mainstream media which many believe are manipulated by the government. They were starting to remember the past. Modern day propaganda in the run up to that Sunday showed images of tanks on the streets in Tarragona. People became angry until they realised that the photographs had been digitally altered. Whilst facts are circulated immediately, false images are just as quickly made and fake news is pumped out. It is hard to guage the level of public feeling unless you get down at street level and speak to the people which is exactly what I wanted to do in order to fully understand what on earth this was all about.
Catalan referendum and the flag of Catalunya
On 1st October I was sitting in the sun outside a bar and chatting to an eighty eight year old lady from the Catalan village where I have been living. She had struggled along the road on her walking sticks to go and cast her vote. I don’t know which side she voted for but she told me how worried she was for her son and her grandchildren who were sitting outside the fire station which was hosting the ballot and who were all nervously wondering whether the riot police would descend on them and when.
Each of the bars had pulled large screen TVs out onto the street and had been broadcasting events since the early morning so my friend’s fears were very real. Dressed in black, with riot shields, batons and guns, the national police first threatened and then began beating people indiscriminately. The elderly and the women did not escape either. If you were in the wrong place at the wrong time you could be beaten with truncheons or shot at with rubber bullets. We all watched horrified as the televisions showed two strong soldiers physically drag a woman out of a building whilst kicking her and dragging her down a flight of stairs by her hair.
My elderly friend described to me with tears in her eyes how she was sadly re-living the day when as a nine year old she, her mother and other female members of her family walked to Barcelona – a distance of more than two hundred kilometres. Her father had gone to fight in the Spanish Civil War and she was just one of a steady stream of refugees fleeing the battle zone. She was afraid that things were once again beginning to unravel because the rhetoric was so similar and the speed of which the hatred was growing was getting out of control.
Voting day in the Catalan referendum
So that Sunday on 1st October, myself and my friends felt drawn to the village centre to stand with our good friends – both Spanish and Catalan – watching and waiting for the possible arrival of the troops. We were standing with people who were not violent or aggressive but who simply wanted the right to express an opinion. Others, higher up on the political spectrum may have had a bigger agenda but in a village of less than eight hundred inhabitants almost half turned out to mark their piece of paper one way or another.
Whilst both sides were spreading their propaganda on the day, most people were getting their news as it happened via social media. As the ‘storm troopers’ got ever closer to our village and the network of informers telephoned and advised us that the Guardia Civil weren’t too far away it was decided to close the ballot box and hide it. The police had already tried to gain entry to one of the town buildings late the previous night but had only found people camping there as a decoy to the real location and now a series of messengers were manning radios and motorbikes and keeping one step ahead of the National Guard as they rolled along the road networks.
It was just like a scene from a film outside the bar opposite the fire station which was where the voting papers were being collected. Drinks were ordered, the bar staff brought out plates of crisps and children played under the trees. Everything looked normal but there was an undercurrent and a nervous tension. The children ran around playing and thankfully blissfully unaware but the adults nervously eyed the main street from where the Civil Guard could come. The music from the bar was turned up, changing from pop music to Catalan songs and the Catalan news channel transmitted scenes of the violence in other towns and cities on the television screen.
It was not thrilling or exciting to be in the middle of this scene. It made me sick to my stomach that this was happening. My friends and I were not there to be voyeuristic but to watch and to bear witness to whatever might happen. The villagers had already decided that should the national guard enter, that they would all sit on the ground with crossed wrists held in frong of their faces, but as we had already seen, this passive stance would not necessarily prevent a beating. Then a motorbike came into the village in a panic and as alrady planned several tractors took off down different tracks, one containing the ballot box.
Thankfully, in the end, our small village avoided the wrath of the soldiers but half of the villagers didn’t turn out to cast their vote. Whether they were afraid to vote, had no interest in the vote or were ‘no’ voters who boycotted the event because it was illegal we shall never know. But because of that, the vote cannot count nor should it be claimed to be representative of the majority.
Coming together in solidarity
On Tuesday 3rd October most of Catalunya ground to a halt. As I understand it, this was not a general strike or action against Madrid, but a day of reflection, a day of solidarity, a day to come together in protest and to acknowledge the heavy-handed violence that had been a feature of the previous Sunday and to try to show the rest of the world that the Catalans wanted to bring about change without aggression.
People swarmed onto the streets with many carrying red carnations (this flower was also the symbol of the Portuguese freedom movement) and waving the Catalan flag. People stood, shoulder to shoulder with hands in the air and the bars that had chosen to open attracted people who simply wanted to come together. Many of the national chains of supermarkets and shops were deserted as people boycotted them in a stance of togetherness.
And now three days on we were playing an uneasy waiting game. Whilst the European Union may not be able to order Spain to allow its regions to vote on the independence issue it could (and should, in my opinion) speak out against a nation that unleashes its Civil Guard on innocent and unarmed people in such a vicious way.
I’m struggling to make sense of this situation and Paul Mason does this much better than me in this article for The Guardian:
I can’t cover the entire political history in this short article. I can’t comment on whether the ‘yes’ or the ‘no’ camps have the answer; but I feel strongly that I should speak out and condemn the violence. There is a saying: “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” I remained neutral and I didn’t speak out against situations in my past but I now mentor many survivors of domestic abuse and I tell them to stand tall and to speak out.
I stand up against the violence in Catalunya on 1st October.
My wish as I flew out from Barcelona airport was that the politicians talk constructively and quickly for the sake of this wonderful country and its amazing people. I am not qualified to voice an opinion on whether there should be an independent Catalunya; after all I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that the majority in my country voted for Brexit, but I am qualified to condemn the violence that was meted out to people who were standing or sitting with their hands in the air and posing no threat to riot police armed with shields and guns.
I hope that common sense and calm prevail. I hope that neither side are too stubborn to negotiate. I hope that the Catalan people manage to retain their dignity and their control and do not retaliate and resort to violence. I hope that when I do return to my friends and the country that I have grown to love, you are all unchanged by these events.
For now, adios Spain, adeu Catalunya and good luck to all of my friends that I leave behind.
Paz a todos, pau per a tothom.
Update
Thankfully, the situation diffused although the political problem hasn’t gone away. In 2018 there was a period of unrest when roads were blocked with burning tyres and protestors in an effort to bring the political situation back into the spotlight again and I am sure that this won’t be the last time. I remember that I had to get home from visiting a friend and the trip which should have taken be forty minutes took three hours mostly detouring around the small country back roads.
Now, with residencia status, I feel even more a part of this beautiful country and a love and a respect for its people and I simply hope that common sense and dialogue prevails whatever the outcome.
Additional resources
For an excellent insight into the history of Spain, its regions and its people, the author and reporter Giles Tremlett has many of the explanations in his book Ghosts of Spain
Below are some more of the most haunting images and video clips from the Catalan referendum that had an entire region stunned on Sunday 1st October, together with the Catalan anthem – both the original and the modern rock version (the Catalans LOVE their rock music)
Learning about mindfulness has shown me how I can approach problems in a different way.
It has taught me how to look at my negative thoughts from a different perspective but it has also reinforced what I already knew; that travel is good for me and how being open minded and being without judgement goes hand in hand with mindful travel.
I talk about some of these methods in my book ‘Becoming Stronger through Mindfulness’ – (click on this link for your copy), but in this article I want to highlight the similarities between travel and mindfulness and give you some examples of how both can help you grow as a person.
Mindfulness isn’t simply about meditation and living in the now. It is not hippy dippy and sitting back and waiting to see what life might bring you, it is also about being open to new ideas and not being judgmental.
Be open to new ideas
One of the best things about travel is meeting new people and being exposed to different cultures and customs. To get the most from your experience in a different culture, go ahead and embrace the differences. Be inquisitive about the things that seem to make little sense to you or that previously may not have interested you and learn why things are as they are.
Whilst there are some things that it is perfectly acceptable to discount out of hand (in my opinion) – such as eating cows intestines or jumping off a bridge with an elastic band tied around your ankles – at other times it pays to listen and learn and maybe understand a different point of view.
And if you stay in a hostel while you are travelling you will increase the chances of meeting people from all around the world; each person with a different story to tell and a new perspective.
chatting and meeting new friends in a hostel in Italy
Everywhere I go I try to learn something new, and I learn because I’m curious and nosey and open minded.
Having no judgment
I already knew that most Sikh men don’t cut their hair but I never knew that the same thing applied to Sikh women too. I have learnt how in this modern world many Sikh women have a dilemma between ancient teachings that tell them that they shouldn’t alter their bodies by shaving armpit hair or plucking their eyebrows and on the other hand, wanting a fashionable hair style or to even cut their hair because often, super long heavy hair which can actually give people headaches. This is only one small thing to learn but it changes how I think in yet another small way.
I have also learnt how difficult it is to be gay in Singapore and how problematic it can be for a Muslim woman to decide not to wear a hijab in certain parts of Malaysia against the wishes of her family.
In rural Borneo I sat on the floor and ate dinner with my fingers from a communal bowl set out on a grass mat with three generations of my host family. We discussed the death of the rain forest but I also now understand a little bit better the contradictions that the local people have to deal with in the face of the large palm oil companies. It is all very well to get up on our moral high horses and condemn the practice of large scale agriculture and deforestation, but we must listen to the other side of the story from the people who have to live with the consequences.
One of the best places for learning about new things and first hand was up on the roof terrace at Ringo’s Foyer Hostel in Melaka. I spent a couple of months volunteering here and it was quite usual for groups of travellers and volunteers to sit and chat into the small hours of the morning. Over the course of my time there, it became the habit that one person would talk about something that they knew a lot about and field questions from the rest of us.
Just some of the topics that were covered up on that terrace were Irish politics, the Muslim faith in Tunisia, crypto currencies, becoming vegetarian and cycling across continents. For my part I have explained about democracy and police heavy handedness with my experiences in Catalunya, whether it was ethical to visit Myanmar and of course, building up self-esteem.
Behind the scenes in a kitchen in Myanmar
Humanising any story puts a whole different perspective on it and whether we practice mindfulness or not we should still be respectful of others and open to the idea that there are not only two sides to every story, but many shades of grey in-between.
We must also stop our judgements. Who are we to decide whether a person is good or bad or a threat to us based on their appearances?
Click onthis link to hear a short storyof a woman on a train who jumps to the wrong conclusion based on what she sees happening around her. This is an extract from my short course Learning to Believe in Yourself which you can find over on my coaching website.
This tale is a really simplistic demonstration of how most of us leap to conclusions and things can become really interesting once you become aware of the judgy thoughts in your head. When you go a bit deeper and you start to realise why you might be instinctively attaching certain labels to certain people, and you come to understand that it shouldn’t matter how a person acts towards you because YOU have a choice about how you react to them – and well, wow – a different world opens right up to you.
When I said that I was going to travel in the interior of Java, along the east coast of Malaysia and into the Kingdom of Brunei which are predominantly Islamic, several people suggested that I change my plans. They told me that the people who lived in these places were closed and more difficult to get to know. But you know me; I’m not one to follow the herd so off I went for the east coast and to find out for myself how the culture was.
OK, so it was a bit more difficult and more expensive to get hold of booze and out of respect I didn’t wear my short shorts or skimpy spaghetti strap tee-shirts and I picked my times when to wear a bikini and when to go swimming in my clothes but I had so much fun and most people were so lovely that I am certainly glad that I went.
And just like everywhere else in the world, it wasn’t a homogenous experience. People were still different and individual and they all know how to have fun. I got to know a ‘ladyboy’ who was working in one of my hostels who was a very strong character and in the same hostel I got to know a lady from Saudi Arabia who wore a full burkha so that I could only see her eyes. We had a strong connection due to many similarities in our past and we chatted for several hours – but I wouldn’t recognise her if I passed her in the street!
For a couple of weeks I lived in a small guest house which was owned by an adorable older couple. Like nearly all houses in these regions there was a prayer room and I soon got very used to tiptoeing past the open door to the bathroom whilst one or both of them were praying and I was very happy when one day I was invited to cook and share a traditional meal with Mama Zeke.
I can recount numerous experiences like those above but if I were closed or judgmental some of these experiences may never have happened. So what, I may not recognise my friend in the burkha if she approaches me again in the street (if we were not in a public place she would have removed her covering), but that doesn’t mean that she is someone to be feared or mistrusted. She is a woman with feelings, wishes and dreams just like the rest of us and I feel privileged that she felt able to share some of her story with me.
Getting to know the woman behind the veil.
How much damage do we do to ourselves and to others by leaping to conclusions and making ill-informed judgments? I speak from experience and I can give you an example by looking at something that has happened to me from several angles.
You will know if you have been following my personal story that my children have estranged themselves from me for several years.
I ASSUME that they have chosen to distance themselves from me because of something that they have been told or that they believe is true; because of an assumption that they have made about me. I KNOW that they have made this decision without knowing all of the facts (and I know this for a fact because they have never approached me for my side of the story).
So herein lies the first point.
They have made a judgment about me without gathering the truth and without knowing all the facts.
Now let’s look at how each of us can make differing assumptions about the same situation. From another perspective I have spent hours and hours trying to second guess why my children refuse to speak to me and my family. I ASSUME that it is because of the stories that they have been told and I ASSUME that they don’t care enough to find out the truth for themselves. But I don’t know the truth either – although in my own defence I have done my best to find out – because I don’t like to judge or make assumptions.
The third point here is that if I try to place myself in their shoes then I am looking at the situation as if they were me. And as I have never walked in their shoes I will never know the truth unless they sit down and talk about it with me. I can and I have almost driven myself mad with the endless thought process of trying to make sense of the whole situation and trying to place myself in their shoes and it is impossible.
So to take another leaf out of the mindfulness book I have taken a step back. I acknowledge my emotions and I know why I feel as I do. I acknowledge that my children are dancing to a different tune and whilst the situation can make me sad I won’t allow it to make me mad – so I accept it for what it is and I live in the moment.
Of course I think about the past but I am getting better at managing my emotions and of course I make plans for the future but I don’t get hung up about either. I appreciate and I fully enjoy the present. What will be, will be! I know my own truth and I can’t invest any more emotional energy into trying to second guess my children’s’ motives.
And on the plus side, I have the experience and the motivation to support and to mentor other people who may be going through a bad experience. I believe that the capacity to be strong is in each of us but we can all do with a bit of extra guidance and encouragement to be the best that we can be; which is why I now offer mentoring sessions with people who want that little bit of extra help.
And travel. For me, travel is what reminds me to remain open-minded and non-judgmental. It reminds me that each of us is unique and it reminds me to find out the truth for myself. It proves to me that I am capable of dealing with a drama and reminds me that I can forget the negative beliefs that I carried around in my head for so many years. It has introduced me to many different people, ideas, food and beliefs and it has helped me to understand how to become grounded in the ‘now’.
If you want to find out more, you can get my introductory guide to mindfulness click here and then read on for another couple of stories from my travel experiences.
Becoming stronger through mindfulness
Don’t jump to conclusions
I have stayed in a couple of hostels where everybody was glued to their social media. Headphones in and absorbed in whatever was playing on their mobiles or laptops people tip-tapped away at keyboards, seemingly deep in conversation with somebody far away yet not engaging with the present.
It has only been my experience a couple of times when everybody behaved like this all at the same time, and because I was ready to socialise and make friends I hated it. However I very quickly jumped to the defence of this behaviour when it was slated in a travel forum that I occasionally contribute to.
In an online discussion a very famous (elderly) travel writer was attacking modern day travellers who use their phones and social media. She claimed that travel wasn’t like it was in the ‘olden days’. She stated that travellers are missing out on the excitement of getting lost, of meeting people and that they had lost the art of keeping a journal or making memories. She said that they live in their own electronic world and observed that they don’t interact with others.
In many of her travel books she describes how after arriving at her hostel for the night she would often curl up in a quiet corner away from other guests and write up her travel notes. Well I write up my travel notes – just as she did – but I simply use a different medium – my laptop, and many other travellers keep a journal – they just happen to use a laptop or a tablet – in part because pictures are now digital and I am an avid reader – I just choose to read from a kindle as opposed to a good old fashioned book.
A lad in Quito once asked to borrow my laptop and skype his family because he needed to find the quickest way to get back home before his granddad died, whilst a group of girls were looking up a recipe that they were going to cook for everyone in the hostel’s communal kitchen. Other people were simply lounging around and chilling and listening to music through headphones after a gruelling day as volunteer tree planters in the jungle.
And I met a really shy guy who was avoiding contact with others and constantly walking around with his headphones on….but after a chat with him it turned out that this was his method of coping with extreme anxiety attacks. I told that he was very brave to leave the comfort of his own home town and travel solo – and shame on anybody who was condescending about his coping method.
Volunteering and planting trees in the jungle
Many travellers take advantage of the wifi in hostels and use the time to upload their photos so that friends and family can know that they are safe and happy whilst others use online maps and timetables to plan their journeys.
The world is changing and it is becoming more and more difficult to get hold of paper copies of maps or timetables but people still go hiking or visit cities and they still arrange to meet up with friends but they communicate via messages on social media rather than using a telephone.
Here’s another example of making a quick judgment.
I was hiking with a new friend that I had met in the Cameron Highlands. We had followed one of the mountain trails and we had reached the top of one of the hills when we had to make a decision. It would soon be getting dark so we had to choose between continuing on our circular route (although we had been warned that the path got a little dodgy), or to make the decision and return the way that we had come.
As we stopped to take on water and think about our options we heard voices and loud music. Just over the hill a group of teenagers were hanging about. just messing about and being teenagers, however I did think how vulnerable the two of us could be in the middle of nowhere with a group of loudmouthed guys especially because we hadn’t seen another soul on our hiking trail all afternoon.
Some of the lads swaggered over to us trying to impress but we excused ourselves and told them that we had to move quickly and continue over the top before it got dark. As we moved away some of the lads ran after us – my initial reaction was to feel startled and I was on alert – but then they told us that we really should return the way that we had come. They told us how they had all promised their mothers that they would never continue over the top because the route wasn’t great and they made us promise the same!!
Whilst of course it’s always sensible to be alert and aware of your surroundings, it’s also good to suspend judgment until you know all of the facts and not to assign preconceived ideas to a situation. In this instance, my friend and I ended up sitting and chatting with the lads for twenty minutes before all taking photos of each other and setting off back down the hill along the safer route.
Don’t leap to the wrong conclusion. These lads were so helpful
A final reminder of mindful travel
One of the best things that you can do if you want to practice mindfulness is to keep an open mind and don’t jump to conclusions. Remember, everybody has a story and you are in no position to judge others because you are not perfect nor have you ever walked in that other person’s shoes.
If you travel, take the time to connect with others. Be curious, ask questions and find out what makes other people from a different culture tick. If you don’t travel, well the same applies to you but in your immediate environment. Remain open minded and go and approach that somebody in your office who dresses differently or who you assume comes from a different background to your own. Maybe they have different values and ideas that you could learn something from or maybe you will discover that they are not that much different to you.
Do you have a story to share of a time when you judged somebody or a situation too quickly? If so, I would love to hear about it and let’s all learn and change the quality of our lives and those around us together.
This article was updated and republished on 25th June 2023.
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I was looking forward to exploring Morocco; land of the Berbers and the Tuaregs with its Arabic, French and African roots. The Atlas Mountains and wild coastlines, tagines and couscous, mint tea and crazy, chaotic walled medinas were all calling me.
My plan was to volunteer with a work exchange – but sometimes the best plans fail – so I backpacked slowly staying in hostels and making some really wonderful new friends.
Why I found travelling in Morocco so difficult
Disclaimer: When you read this article, please bear in mind the following information about me and know that I always try to find the good in every situation.
I think that I’m a pretty savvy traveller. I’ve been travelling continuously for nearly six years and I’ve lived and volunteered in many different countries.
looking out over the city of Meknes
The best bits about travel for me are the people that I meet and the knowledge and experiences that we share and swap. I am open-minded, non-judgmental and I do my best not to discriminate, but in Morocco…..read on and find out more.
My Morocco travel itinerary.
I arrived in Fez with a Spanish friend and together we explored the narrow alleyways in the old city. We also got together with some other travellers from our hostel and hired a car and a driver for a day trip to Meknes and the Roman ruins at Volubilis. After five days my friend returned to her studies in Spain and I went north to the relative peace and quiet of the blue city of Chefchaoen.
Surrounded by green hills the weather turned damp and grey which sadly meant that the hikes that I had planned were not really an option – I wasn’t so dedicated that I wanted to walk in the drizzle – but I did enjoy wandering around the small cobbled streets.
On the next stage of my Morocco itinerary I took the seven hour train journey south to Marrakech where I spent several days exploring and taking photographs with Andre from Germany and also managed to meet up with a travel friend Jamillah who I had last seen in Malaysia.
Andre and I visited the impressive Badi Palace, the Photography Museum, the Yves St Laurent Garden and the new Museum of Cultural Confluences and I also made a new friend in Robbie from London.
The Badi Palace in Marrakech
Whilst I am very happy with my own company it’s always a bonus to meet lovely people that I instantly connect with…and this trip was constantly putting some very interesting people in my path.
But I still wasn’t ‘getting’ Morocco despite doing my best to connect with as many local people as possible so I decided to head to the coastal town of Essaouira where I met the fabulous Lara from Germany and I was also very happy to reconnect with Robbie who rolled into town following his trip to the desert.
An impromptu conversation over breakfast one morning found Robbie and me jumping on a bus for the three hour trip south to the surf village of Taghazout for a couple of nights. A day trip with Lara to Paradise Valley was great fun and the three of us had a wonderful time but I still was finding the magic of Morocco to be eluding me!
Boats in the harbour at Essouira
My Morocco backpacking route took me back to Essaouira for more long beach walks and fish suppers until my body succumbed to the bug that the surfers in Taghazout had kindly passed on to me. I was confined to bed for a couple of days before my final bus back to Marrakech and my flight out of the country.
Maybe I was simply trying too hard to connect with the rhythm of Morocco during a month when I needed to be kind to myself. I will explain more about this below but the country has a fascinating history, beautiful views and the intercity transport is efficient.
Ancient marketplaces rub shoulders with glitzy shopping centres and modern cars speed past donkeys pulling carts while shepherds herd their sheep and goats by the roadside.
Everybody has a mobile phone yet simple old-fashioned fairground style games keep people entertained in the streets.
simple entertainment in the Jemaa el Fnaa square in Marrakech
Many of the traders are extremely aggressive but I had expected that and as I love to barter this wouldn’t normally be an issue or offend me so what on earth was unsettling me?
On my final evening in Marrakech I decided to give up searching for the answer….but of course the answer then found me…. waking me up at 3am like a lightning bolt and preventing me from returning to sleep.
The answer was subconscious emotional triggers!
Morocco was full of emotional triggers which, perhaps had I visited at any other time of the year would not have been a problem for me, but travelling in February they were flying at me like poison darts from every direction.
Let me add some context for you.
Dealing with emotional pain
February is the birth month of both my estranged (their choice) adult children and also my one time best friend. Every year since I left my marriage I have struggled in February, dealing with sadness, guilt and hurt until last year when I made a conscious effort to change my mindset and stop these negative and destructive thoughts.
Marrakech at dusk
That year I practised the shit out of Mindfulness, CBT and positivity along with meditation and self-belief strategies on the tropical island of Pangkor. I succeeded in turning the negatives into positives and I decided that in future February would be a month of celebration of the birthdays. Feeling sorry for myself was not going to be an option…and you know what? ….this really worked.
That first year February flew by and I even found that I was attracting new coaching clients who were inspired my personal journey that I was posting daily on social media. This year I decided to replicate the inner-work that I had done on Pangkor and I decided to travel to a different culture and explore Morocco. Normally immersing myself in a very different culture takes my mind off any problems.
I did achieve my personal goals despite the difficulties in Morocco because since becoming a Mindfulness Practitioner I find it relatively easy to focus on the positive and I can dispel any self doubts. I had an absolute blast with my new friends and I enjoyed exploring the Moroccan cities and the countryside BUT until 3am on that final night I was unable to put my finger on what the missing link was.
Managing difficult emotions
There was no missing link in Morocco. The triggers were the issue and they were unbalancing me and unsettling me at a time when my emotions were heightened.
The traders who would change faces so quickly from Mr Nice to Mr Nasty when I didn’t want to browse in their shops, the guys who would hiss as I passed them in the alleyways, the fake smiles as they asked where I was from as I walked past and then the snide comments as I kept walking – each of these I could deal with but I was finding it difficult to cope with the sheer number of sarcastic comments and the disrespect.
the medina in Marrakech
And this was because the put-downs were reminding me too much of what I had lost – basically my children – and in February this was especially raw. I had left an unhappy marriage and a life time of sarcastic comments and jibes yet here were total strangers disrespecting me and doing their best to make me feel insignificant – or at least, that’s how I was interpreting things.
Why was travel in Morocco so difficult for me?
I had been told for years that I should do everything a different way (my husband’s way) and that my way was never good enough. I had been led to believe that I was insincere and not committed enough to anything but nobody knows how hard I tried to improve myself and to make a difference.
Undermining somebody’s self-belief by instilling self doubt is a classic technique employed by someone with a manipulative personality but I eventually came to see it for what it was and I had subsequently rebuilt my self esteem back up – yet here I was being bombarded by more of the same – but by strangers in the street.
one of the busy squares in Marrakech at dusk
I guess ordinarily I would have laughed at the guy who tried to turn around a potential sale of a backgammon set into a chess set. The shop keeper didn’t have the particular board that I wanted and he only wanted a sale as he continued to talk over my requests, louder and louder. He insisted that I look at his excellent craftsmanship and wanted to know why I wouldn’t buy his chess set; refusing to listen to my protests that it was a different game entirely.
The trigger was feeling that once again my opinion was worthless and I was disappointed that he only saw me as a walking wallet rather than a customer to serve. He seemed to think that I had no mind of my own and that if he was persistent enough I would believe him that a chess board was the same as a backgammon set.
At my first hostel in Marrakech a guy with two faces made some basic customer service errors. For two days this member of staff was charm personified – friendly, warm and welcoming. As is my normal practice I had only reserved one night (just in case the hostel was a total dump) but it was fine and at breakfast on my first morning I asked to extend my stay by an additional 3 nights.
I was informed that they would confirm later that day but there shouldn’t be a problem. Returning later I was indeed checked back in – but was told that due to problems with double-booking they couldn’t confirm my further extension but would tell me on a day to day basis.
I have managed hostels in the past so I reminded them that they could simply turn off the bed availability on the websites… but again I was assured that there would be no problem. Returning at 4pm the next day I was informed that the hostel was full and I would have to move to their sister hostel which was a 25 minute walk away on the outskirts of the medina.
the metal working quarter in Fez
As I didn’t want to walk any distance at night on my own I simply booked a new hostel for myself just 5 minutes walk away and I asked to check out.
Then the guy who had been so friendly handed me his tablet and insisted that I place my review there and then for them on the booking website. I refused and said that I would do it later, upon which he proceeded to alternately beg, wheedle and threaten me before he could allow me to leave.
When he saw that I wouldn’t budge (I NEVER write reviews before I leave) his face turned cold and he dismissed me, refusing to acknowledge me leaving – like his behaviour was going to improve my review!
This was yet another trigger for me. I appreciate that different countries have different understandings of what constitutes good customer service and I understand the cultural behaviour of ‘saving face’ but again, this dismissal, this feeling of not being of any value or importance and the cold glares cut me to the quick. I had come a LONG way in building myself up and I was not about to let a virtual stranger undermine me.
walking around the tanneries in Marrakech
Then there was the man who approached us and tried to insist on taking me and Andre to the leather tanneries in Marrakech. He was first obstructive, telling us that the way that we were walking was closed to tourists. Then, when he was joined by his friend and after Andre had politely told him that we were simply wandering around and enjoying his city he turned very nasty and the pair of them started screaming abuse at us. Accusing us of being like all the other tourists who hated Moroccans and of spoiling their city they finally departed with what had to be the best insult of all my trip – ‘Fuck you, fuck you you fucking tourists; in fact, five thousand fucks to you!!!’
And people sometimes wonder why many tourists are wary of strangers approaching them!
The snake charmers and the men with the monkeys on chains, tried to grab my arm and were insistent that I have my photo taken with their animals. Sadly the only way to deal with the monkey owners was to snarl at them and tell them in no uncertain terms the fate that their monkeys would face if they dared to jump on my shoulder (I do not like monkeys) and to rapidly walk the other way before a snake could be draped around my neck.
I would have loved to have stopped and chatted to the ladies in the square who tried to persuade me to have a henna tattoo but I saw too many instances of a henna design rapidly drawn on someone who hesitated or smiled and then the extortionate fee of thirty euros demanded. I know that they were all only trying to earn a living but this was not trying to earn money – it was obtaining money by threat and I saw several people pay up because they were scared.
not everyone was unfriendly…this lady was very happy to show me how she made amloo
I am always the first person to smile and stop and chat to local people on the street but here I had to take a different approach, not because of the minority but sadly because of the majority.
Is Morocco dangerous?
Men would sidle up asking where I was going in what would be a no-win situation. If I told them where I was going they would tell me that I was walking the wrong way and they would try to take my arm and steer me in a different direction.
If I told them that I was simply walking and enjoying the town they would insist that the streets ahead were closed to me….but in either case if I continued to walk on I would usually get a mouthful of abuse accusing me of being too proud to talk to a Moroccan, However I knew, from first-hand experience that had I allowed them to accompany me they would then insist on a large fee (ten euros or more) for taking me to my hostel or to a particular cafe.
You are never alone when you travel solo – with Robbie and Lara
During my five weeks in this country I had to really struggle to remain polite in the face of a lack of respect and often hostility, whilst memories of years of struggling and refusing to be emotionally beaten down flooded back. I miss my children and I began to again question whether I had done the right thing leaving my marriage when I did.
Maybe had I left ten years previously when things had hit a sour patch (I was later told that during this time my husband apparently had something going on with someone else) I may not be without my children in my life now. Who knows how things may have turned out had we split up earlier but Morocco was certainly churning up a lot of emotions for me.
Even the downtrodden and often beaten donkeys seemed to be representative of my marriage with a carefully aimed boot indicative of a hurled insult (although I must clarify here that my ex never physically assaulted me).
it seems that everybody has a donkey in Morocco
I was fed up with getting comments spat at me by some of the traders about choosing to prefer to frequent the shops of the ‘no-good Arabs’ or the ‘lazy Berbers’ (their words not mine) when all I wanted to do was to browse and take my time.
I got sick of people telling me what I wanted to eat when I was trying to read through a menu – ‘you want hamburger, you want tagine, you want couscous…..’like I was incapable of making a decision for myself.
Yes, Morocco was proving difficult for me in February although I never felt in any danger at all.
By the way, if you would like to experience Morocco but you aren’t feeling confident enough to brave it alone, my friend Jamillah offers tours and is fast becoming an expert on everything Morocco.
Would I return to Morocco?
Yes I would return to Morocco but I would travel in a different way. I would organise a Workaway exchange and really get involved in a small local community or business. I had planned to do some volunteer work on this trip but I was let down at the last minute by a host and subsequently didn’t have enough time available to set something else up.
I plan to write up details of my route in a separate blog article where I will give you more detailed information about the places that I visited so that you can replicate my journey. I can’t emphasise enough that I never felt unsafe and Morocco is a beautiful country with friendly people and an interesting culture so do visit if you have some time spare.
I would head inland to some of the desert towns. Maybe away from the cities and the tourist hotspots people are more genuine and trustworthy. Our day trip to Meknes had in fact been a different experience with people in the evening market being far more polite and respectful to us than in other places.
buying bread from a street trader early in the morning
I had also had a lot of online work planned with my coaching clients this month so I also hadn’t wanted to stray too far off the beaten path and risk poor wifi connections. I also find it harder to meditate and to remain focused when so much of each day is taken up with travelling or finding new hostels or places to eat and my goal this February was to remain emotionally strong.
Reasons to visit Morocco
Many Moroccan people were genuine and open and helpful and luckily they offset those who were rude. I met some adorable Moroccans in the hostels and on the train and the buses, on the streets, in the shops and in the parks.
There were genuine traders (often older gentlemen) who were confident with their prices and products, sat with me over mint tea and showed me photos of their families; allowing me to leave without complaint and were genuinely happy to see me when I later returned to purchase.
The kindness of everybody around me when I got sick, offering to go to the pharmacy for me, making me sage and honey tea and generally checking up on me made a huge difference. I spent a couple of days in bed too nervous to venture far from a bathroom.
Avocado and orange shakes became a firm addiction for me and have continued to be on my menu since my return to Spain. I also loved the vegetable tagines – the tastiest one was the cheapest one in a small cafe in Taghazout.
the very best vegetable tagine
Paradise Valley was a great morning out from Taghazout and was enjoyed by many Moroccan families as well as tourists. Even waiting in the hot sun for an hour for the shared van back to town was fun as Robbie, Lara and I chatted with people in the queue.
Chefchaouen was overall the friendliest town that I visited – and a special mention here has to go out to twelve year old Abdul who took me and John on a tour; ending up at a tea hut in the hills high above the town where an impromptu jamming session was happening with a group of men.
The cleanliness of the towns and countryside compared to many other places in the world was refreshing as were the colourful fabrics everywhere and the painted houses.
Chefchaouen really is very blue
I experienced a hammam – not the posh one for tourists – but one where ordinary Moroccans go. Women and men bathe at separate times at what is an important social event which is not just for washing. Women of all ages sit around in the steam chatting and laughing and also arguing because somebody used someone else’s bucket.
They take their time washing bodies and hair, scrubbing each other and massaging limbs. Teenagers sat together trying to look cool while toddlers tried to escape, their little wet bodies squirming to escape the many hands reaching out for a cuddle.
The Roman ruins at Volubilis were quite incredible and yet peaceful. Floor mosaics in very good condition were dotted around in the long grass and people strolled quietly around getting a feel for how the old city must have appeared centuries ago.
the impressive Roman ruins at Volubilis
I didn’t go into the desert but I didn’t meet a single traveller for whom it wasn’t a special experience. Maybe I missed out but I had been in deserts in Jordan and Egypt so had I gone, it would have had to be a local experience and I was not confident of finding that on this trip.
Is Morocco safe to visit?
Go to Morocco and make your own mind up about it. I never actually felt unsafe, even when walking back to my hostel along the narrow alleyways after dark. It simply triggered me and while I worked around it using the techniques that I know work for me, I found it too emotionally draining to connect too deeply with the country.
I’m an inspirational coach and I know how important it is to continue to push our personal boundaries. February on Pangkor Island was the perfect recipe but it would have been lazy to replicate the same. I needed to see how I would cope under pressure.
I’m pleased to report that I DID cope and I didn’t allow the negative emotions of guilt and regret to come back. Mindfulness does work and it can help you deal with the most traumatic events – you just need to have faith in yourself and your abilities.
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exploring Morocco and subconscious emotional triggers
And like all personal challenges, some good came out of the bad times. I acknowledge how privileged I am to have lived the majority of my life in a country where free speech is allowed and equality is improving year on year, and where I don’t face open hostility on the streets.
I was able to take a step back and see how when people are not confident in themselves or their own abilities and skills, they become angry, aggressive and need to verbally attack in order to boost their own self-esteem. Bullies the world over are all the same.
I know that these triggers were solely my own responsibility to deal with. Nobody can make anybody else feel a particular emotion: we respond according to our belief system and our memories.
I teach this stuff – it forms the basis of mindfulness and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) so this was a perfectly executed lesson to highlight this in all its glorious action….so bingo – a difficult month but yet another giant leap forward for me.
If you have problems with a bully or your self-belief has been knocked out of you because of one, drop me an email (info@scarletjonestravels.com) or send me a message via Facebook to find out how I managed to move on and become strong once again.
And do visit Morocco. Just keep your wits about you, a smile on your face and don’t be scared.
Solo travel can be difficult whether it’s working out how to use a squat toilet complete with a full backpack or wandering into the dodgy side of town because your map was upside down.
Your mental health and travel
Coping with stress, loneliness, anxiety or mental health problems can be extremely challenging however you shouldn’t let this stop you from heading out into the world.
I have gathered together some stories from fellow bloggers who want to share some of their ideas with you and which will show you that staying mentally healthy while travelling needn’t be too complicated or difficult.
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Overcoming negative thinking
One of the main worries that many travellers have before they even book a flight is how to cope with loneliness, fit in with other travellers and make friends. These fears are magnified and can get blown out of all proportion when you have no concept of what the travelling world is like, if you are naturally quiet or introverted or if you have problems with anxiety.
If you want some support with your self-belief and you want to know how you can deal with negative thoughts prior to booking your trip, please contact me. I am a Mindfulness Practitioner and a Life Coach that specializes in self esteem and guiding people through problems. I have also written a book and there are more in the pipeline… Click on this link to contact me for more information
Loneliness
To combat loneliness, Taylor of The Things My Eyes Have Seen approaches travel in a very similar way to myself (although I use Workaway to find my work exchanges). Taylor writes:
I’ve spent years travelling the world alone. Every time I set off on an adventure, I find myself with feelings of excitement and nerves. I never anticipate experiencing loneliness, but it is something I have felt in countless countries around the world.
My favourite way to solo-travel and avoid loneliness is to participate in work exchanges; working for room and board (such as HelpX or WWOOF.) It is a good way to give yourself a sense of purpose, make friends, and feel a part of the community you are in.
When I found myself lonely in Greece, I was desperate to relieve myself from it. I asked my host family to join them on outings; picking up the kids from school, going to sports practices, and accompanying them on errands. I also decided to focus on learning new skills.
This is something I now do on every trip, choosing a skill or a healthy habit that I want to work on. I have; learned the basics of local languages, journaled, practiced yoga, or read. When I was living in Ireland, I began to meditate or went on walks along the coast when I felt alone.
Loneliness usually visits when I have downtime or feel ‘forgotten’ by my friends and family. I’ve learned to nurture the relationships that really mean a lot to me and to not be afraid to reach out to people first. Remind people you care for them, then find something to do with your free time.
Don’t let the fear of loneliness stop you from creating the experiences you desire. Follow what calls to you, even if it means going alone. Loneliness will happen, get yourself a cup of tea, grab your camera, go for a walk, or find people you enjoy spending time with.
Ayngelina from Bacon is Magic understands that it’s important not to ignore the feelings of loneliness when they strike and she makes a conscious effort to recognise and deal with them in a proactive way. This is her advice:
Travelling long-term can be difficult, especially travelling solo. Loneliness is just one of the realities of travelling on your own. It comes and it goes.
Travelling solo doesn’t always mean you’re alone, it’s much easier to make friends. And I always reach out when I see another solo traveller, I’ve made life friendships this way. But at times, I’m on my own. Sometimes it’s for days and other times it’s for weeks. Some days I may only speak to waiters at a restaurant or museum attendants. It can be really tough at times.
In the past I would just push through it and not pay attention to the growing sense of loneliness. And then all of a sudden I would have a meltdown over something silly. But it was because I wasn’t listening to my own feelings. I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was tough going through the day without any meaningful interaction with people.
That changed when I started meditating. I try to make an effort to do it each morning as it helps ground me. If I’m starting to feel lonely or sad I recognize it sooner rather than just having a breakdown like I would before. I love the Calm app as there are thematic meditations and always a new recommendation each day.
That’s great in many places. But I have the additional challenge that I’ve been based out of Havana, Cuba for the last year. Not only am I less connected to the world because wifi in Cuba is not available everywhere but I’m in a different culture speaking a language that isn’t native to me. I need the app the most and luckily you can download meditations to your phone, so whether I’m in Havana or on a plane it’s always available.
My friendAlice from Teacake Travelsdraws upon her experience as a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist to cope when problems with low self esteem threaten to overwhelm her. Alice says:
I have always been sociable, yet social anxiety definitely got the better of me in the past. I used to be worried about what people thought of me and always tried to please others. I feared about accidentally making other people ‘unhappy’ – and therefore sometimes sacrificed my own wants and needs for others.
Going travelling allowed me to completely put myself to the test. It gave be many chances to meet people from so many cultures and put my needs first for once. The experiences have been exhilarating and life changing.
My first experiences as a solo traveller certainly did put my social anxiety issues to the test. I wanted to challenge myself and travelling solo is certainly one way to do it.
I arrived in Chiang Mai, Thailand and booked myself into a hostel. Pretty straight forward, right? Until my mind started playing its usual tricks. I started to worry about if I had anything interesting to say. ‘Will they like me?’ I thought. ‘What will they think of me?’
I used to be a cognitive behavioural therapist and helped many people with their anxieties and low self-esteem. This was the time to put into practice the very strategies I’d given countless times to my clients.
I reminded myself to be kind to myself. To relax. Breathe. And when that pesky voice of self-doubt rears its ugly head, I encourage you to ask yourself: ‘Is this factually true? Do I have evidence to the contrary?’ Part of my solo female travel journey has taught me to love myself and not worry so much about what others think of me anymore.
I know what I want, what I can do, and what my best (and not so best) qualities are and I’m very happy with that.
If you’re struggling with low self-esteem and anxiety, I recommend learning some strategies to manage your mood and feel much better.
I can certainly relate to the above from Alice because the challenges raised with solo travel from the basis of my self help course and set me along my own journey to become a life coach and mentor to people with low esteem. Becoming Stronger through Mindfulness
Becoming stronger through mindfulness
Caring for your mental health while travelling
Ben from Horizon Unknown tells how he immersed himself in temple life in Japan which ‘reset’ him and taught him so much more.
Ben from Horizon Unknown and temple life
Staying healthy while travelling can mean a variety of different things for each traveller, but unwinding and relaxing is a great way to stay mentally healthy while on the road.
One of my favourite experiences is Taiyoji Temple. Staying overnight at this beautiful and peaceful Buddhist Temple helps disconnect and relax. Not only does becoming closer to nature hit a sort of reset switch, learning about Buddhism and the lessons it teaches helped to create a healthier traveller as well.
Asami is the sole monk living at Tayoji Temple, 2 hours outside of Tokyo. This secluded and quiet temple nestled within mountains is a big contrast to the bustling city just a couple of hours away by train.
Asami teaches guests how to meditate and the principles of Buddism. These teachings helped me forge a positive outlook not only on my travels throughout Japan but in life in general. Asami told me to spend time and learn from nature. To Asami, nature is an amazing teacher with lessons to teach us all.
Taiyoji Temple is a great way to experience traditional Buddishm fundamentals and learn from the kind and gentle monk, Asami.
While learning about Buddhism helps many people, Darja from DeeGees Travelfound mental strength through yoga. Here is her story:
Half a year ago I quit my job, my job which had become everything in my life. Since I had identified myself with the successes and failures of my career, I was left with nothing once this part of my life was gone. There was suddenly so much growing emptiness and loneliness inside. What if I am no longer wanted, needed, loved? It was terrifying.
To reset myself and do something better with my life, my partner and I decided to go travelling for half a year. Besides seeing the world, one of the main goals of this journey was to get physically and mentally fit again, to reconnect with myself. Having attended some yoga classes previously, I decided it was through yoga that I would try to accomplish this mission.
I did an intense week of yoga (2-4 lessons daily) in Ubud, Bali attending all sorts of classes from slow morning awakening flows through power yoga, breathing exercises and some more esoteric sessions. I have also learned how to set my own home practice. This was a fantastic foundation for everything which followed.
Ever since, wherever I go I look for yoga studios and join classes. In the beginning it was only once every couple of weeks. Although I loved yoga and felt an immense boost of energy and positivity, I was struggling making it a habit. I was embarrassed to do my own practice fearing someone would see me and laugh at me. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone, be persistent and the results started to show. I feel much more in harmony with myself, I respect and accept myself for who I am. I am happy and am attributing a lot of this to my regular yoga practice.
In contrast to connecting with others it’s also important not to underestimate the importance of giving yourself peace, space and solitude. Too often we feel that we need to conform and act as many other travellers are, whether that is taking perfect Instagram pictures, being the life and soul of the party and we worry about how we appear to others.
Martha from the Quirky Globetrotter has her own solution to this problem of comparing ourselves to others on social media and FOMO (fear of missing out). She tells us about Unplugging while you travel in her contribution here:
Sometimes the hardest thing to do while on vacation is to put down our screens — our phones, cameras, iPads, GoPros. We’ve become so accustomed to examining the world through a lens. Ironically, these gadgets are prohibiting what travel is meant to do — broaden our horizons. And, news flash, they’re also damaging our mental health.
Every day we are bombarded with what our vacations should like. Beautiful, perfect women with no belly rolls, lounge with a coconut drink in a tropical oasis. They laugh effortlessly as the beach breeze tousles their hair. Then there’s me, a chubby, feisty woman who cannot perfect a selfie for the life of me.
This exact scenario happened to me in Belize. I should’ve been enjoying myself immensely in my own personal tropical paradise, but the unrealistic expectations that social media creates crept in. I obsessed over getting that perfect Instagram photo instead of enjoying the Belizean history and culture that surrounded me. It was toxic. I felt less than and that I wasn’t experiencing Belize properly. That I was a failure.
So, I did myself a favour. The next day, I stowed all my electronics. I sat unplugged and listened to the cries of the Howler Monkeys. The next morning, I watched the sun peek over the jungle canopy. I even dared to leave my phone behind as I snorkelled in the Caribbean Sea.
Over the next couple of days, I took a few moments to truly absorb what surrounded me. Sometimes, I sat with my journal and reflected. Other times, I sat in complete silence and admired the beauty. I began to constantly marvel at how lucky I was to be there.
Now, there’s no self-criticism or shame for not taking Instagram-perfect photos. It’s just me and my perfectly, untarnished travel memories.
In contrast, Rebecca fromInnate Movesuses technology to help her connect whilst she is travelling. This is Rebecca’s take on things:
I left my home country almost two years ago to travel. Although it’s thrilling and amazing, travelling can also be a bit lonely and isolating if you let it be. The main issue that I have is the language barrier. I find it extremely difficult to really connect to an area and its people when I don’t understand their language. Travelling as a tourist is one thing, but when spending any amount of time somewhere I begin to really need some sense of connection!
What I have found to help a lot is the internet! So many areas have Facebook groups or websites written by expats that live in the area. These are gold nuggets to really delving into whatever new surroundings you are facing. Without some of the online groups I’ve used, I would feel very different about my travels! I use the Internet when finding accommodations in new areas, when looking for local events and activities, and to seek social groups. I also use it a lot to learn the basics of a new language and interpret others.
The easiest way to use the internet to your advantage while travelling is to search for the area you are in. That may bring up some good sites written in your own language. Generally the site owner lives in the area and is open to being contacted. The second way is to search Facebook for an area. Groups are the best in my opinion. That way you can actually ask people that live, or are familiar with, the area. I’ve made so many friends this way – locals and expats. It’s helped the isolated feelings that can creep in when you’re in unfamiliar territory. Luckily I’ve found others are online for the same reasons and are also thankful to find friends in a new area!
Keep emotionally fit while travelling.
Danni from Live in 10 Countries created the perfect balance when she was in Iceland, by spending time out in nature and interacting with local people. You can find out how she coped below:
Danni from Live in 10 Countries
A few years ago, without properly planning much or even packing too well, I moved to Iceland and took up a work for accommodation role. Basically, a lot went wrong! To backtrack, I found the position almost a year before I went and kept in touch with my employer, who was a police officer looking for someone to mind her child part time. Then, a few days before my flight, she emailed to say that instead of going to Reykjavik, she and the job were moving to an isolated village on the east coast where most people wouldn’t speak English. It would be many hours from any big cities and wouldn’t have road access. Gulp.
I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity, but it was definitely a lonely time in my travels. I had to work hard to stay positive and upbeat, and to make sure I didn’t end up isolated. I tried the internet first and used Couchsurfing; inviting travellers to come and surf with me for a few days, so that we could bond and share stories. I printed out an ad for free English conversation classes and put it in the local supermarket – again mainly just to make friends. Walks in the countryside through the town became a daily thing, and they really boosted my mood. Free relaxing meditation on Youtube was a great way to relax afterwards and get set up for the day.
Mel from Mel’s Gardenhalso understands the benefits of getting outdoors as much as possible. She explores botanical gardens and parks.
The way I stay mentally healthy when I travel is the same as when I am home – I get outside as often as possible. My favourite things to do in the world are hike, cross-country ski, kayak, and stand up paddleboard and I take those activities with me wherever I go.
Our family spent a year travelling around Europe and I made sure I took a walk or did something else outside almost every day. I discovered that even when we stayed in cities I could find a botanic garden or a park. I’ve strolled through botanic gardens in Edinburgh, Scotland; Ljubljana, Slovenia; Stockholm, Sweden; and Paris, France; to name a few.
The great thing about exploring outside, in addition to the mental health benefit, is that it is an interesting way to get to know the place you are visiting. The Kew Botanic Garden in Edinburgh is different to the Botanički vrt in Zagreb; just as the cities are different.
There are plenty of scientific studies showing that exercise and being around plants is good for your brain, but I also rely on my own experience. Every time I go outside, I feel better.
Dealing with overwhelm while travelling
Sensory overload can be a problem while travelling in a strange environment to that which you are used to.
Priyanko of Constant Traveller tells us about his experiences in the craziness of Hanoi and how he recognised and subsequently conquered the sensory overload in this article:
Priyanko of Constant Traveller
As an Indian, like many of my friends I was indoctrinated with the idea of pursuing a stable job and not look at travelling as anything other than an expensive hobby. It took me a few years to overcome this one block before I decided to travel solo outside my country for the first time. But that was only the start.
I landed in Vietnam on a rainy July night with nothing except my return ticket a month later. I did not know the language, the customs or how to navigate the world outside of my own country. The simple task of calculating foreign currency took me a couple of days, which is when I realized my xe om driver had scammed me! I quickly discovered Vietnamese coffee (and fell into a lifelong affair with it) but did not know how to ask for it for at least a week. Simple tasks like crossing the road with motorbikes heading in all directions and the fierce smells from the local market were familiar to me to a certain degree but in those initial days, it felt like a sensory overload.
And then when I had to depart from Ho Chi Minh City, I had the biggest block to overcome. I had forgotten to take my passport from my hotel in District 3 that I had booked on my second day in the city; that gave me a panic attack and made me question if I was cut out to be a backpacking traveller.
I loitered in the city for two extra days simply because I was mentally fatigued to decide what to do next. Trusting others, and myself, that I could go from one city to the next without letting my mental conditioning take over my travels was the biggest decision I’ve taken and it has paid me back many-fold through my travels thus far.
The stories above all highlight that backpacking and travelling solo is not always like the perfect pictures that you see on Instagram or Facebook. When things go wrong or when you feel lonely it can be tough, but there are ways of dealing with problems.
Before you set off on your travels it’s just as important to think about how you will stay mentally healthy on the road as it is to get your travel insurance and your inoculations.
One benefit however of this method of travel is that you are never usually far from help. This is why I personally prefer to stay in hostels (check out www.hostelz.com) or I like to volunteer on work exchanges because there are people around who can get you through a low patch.
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Myself and the other bloggers who contributed would also love to know how you manage to stay healthy while you travel.
In this introductory guide to self empowerment I’m going to show you the basics and demonstrate how with some simple changes to your attitude you can lead a more positive and satisfactory life.
Self empowerment means to know what is best for oneself and to act accordingly but there are many layers. I will help you to peel back some of those layers and discover how self empowerment comes with raised self esteem and self confidence plus a more positive outlook and therefore…..happiness.
What are you waiting for? Read on.
It is never too late to be who you might have been. George Eliot
Authority or power given to someone to do something.
The process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.
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Scarlet Jones Travels is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com
What are the benefits of self empowerment?
Self empowerment is closely linked to mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness will automatically enhance your self empowerment….. which in turn is linked to self confidence and self esteem – all of which can only be a good thing.
6 key points of empowerment
(There are many more but these 6 form the basis of a good starting point)
Become aware of your own capabilities and you will understand why and how you react like you do
Begin to make more positive choices and take responsibility for those choices.
Don’t allow your circumstances to define who you are, what you do or how you feel or react.
Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts and see change happen
You will develop a heightened sense of awareness and view others objectively
You will feel less stress and anxiety and you will be able to deal with dramas and conflict far better.
The crazy thing is about each of the above statements is that if a friend were to ask you for advice you could very probably explain to them why they should adopt these attitudes but they are actually some of the hardest of beliefs to take on board for ourselves.
The good news is that once you do make the decision to actively employ them and follow through, they quickly gather momentum and you will notice changes happening around you.
Read each of the key points in more detail below and find out how you can begin to take back control of your life.
Become aware of your own capabilities and you will understand why and how you react like you do Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are: Beyonce
With support you can understand how events in your past have helped you to form your opinion of yourself now. Learned behaviours and coping mechanisms that you put into place during childhood may no longer be serving you well. It is time to move on. Acknowledge them and understand why you react to certain stimuli and then you will be in a position to react differently the next time. When your emotions no longer control you, when you no longer allow your emotions to control you; then you are taking the first steps to self empowerment.
Begin to make more positive choices and take responsibility for those choices. Trust yourself. There is no one else on earth that is better suited to determining your ideal and making it happen than you: S.D. Buffington
Maybe you have made a decision in the past that didn’t quite work out as you had planned. In some cases these experiences can cause us to lose our direction and our self belief. We believe that we make bad decisions and that can prevent us from moving on.
One way to change your beliefs can be to learn how to tune in to your intuition and your instincts. You can practise looking for signs and listening to your inner voice – to your intuition or your gut reaction. Call it what you will, you can learn how to do this and you will find that your self belief grows
Don’t allow your circumstances to define who you are, what you do or how you feel or react. You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down: Toni Morrison
There is a well-established school of thought that states that in order to move on we first need to tackle our demons. Some therapies advocate delving back into our past and focusing on the issues that are now bringing up our anxiety. This can certainly be beneficial but it’s not always necessary.
You don’t always need to over-analyse past events but you do need to understand that you have a choice about how you react to them.
If you can move from the role of victim to understanding that you are a survivor that is the first step. Survivors are kick-ass. They do not cower in the corner. Survivors acknowledge that shit happened but sometimes it’s not necessary to over-analyse why the shit happened.
Shit happened, you got through it and now it’s time to move on.
You can be taught to believe in yourself with positive mantras. You can learn how to move from a negative mindset to a positive place and with practice you can banish the dark thoughts and beliefs before they gather and take hold in your mind.
You will feel as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You will walk taller. You are on the road to self empowerment.
If you are ready for a week long challenge that could start you on this process to making simple changes to your life then click on this link for your free guide: –7 days to a more confident YOU!
Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts and see change happen ‘Folks are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be’ – Abraham Lincoln
Yes I know, this one just sounds too simplistic right? But believe me, it really does work. February is usually a tough month for me but this year I made a conscious decision to approach it differently.
Every time a memory that would make me sad popped into my mind I instantly pushed it away and instead focused on the very instance that I was in at that time. I made an effort to find something positive, beautiful or interesting and I continuously reminded myself of how grateful I was to be there in that place at that time of day.
Every time a feeling of guilt tried to creep into my head I would stamp on it, remind myself that I had made the best decision at the time for a very good reason and that I could not take responsibility for other people’s feelings….I would focus on my breathing…and then refocus on the place that I was at right then and there.
I would make a conscious effort to focus on what was right under my nose from the warm sun on my skin, the people that I could watch going about their ordinary business to the nature that was thriving around me.
This technique takes effort but it is worth it.
What really surprised was not that I was simply banishing the negative thoughts but my whole mood lifted to such an extent that my social life blew up. I was asked what my secret was because I was radiant, I was glowing, I was inspiring others. But truly in an effort to get myself through February I simply replaced the negatives with positives.
I can recommend a really good book at this point called [easyazon_link identifier=”1444714228″ locale=”UK” tag=”scajonblo0e-21″]The Art of Happiness[/easyazon_link] written by the Dalai Lama and Howard C Cutler. I dip in and out of this book whenever I need reminding of humanity’s ability to cope. [easyazon_link identifier=”1444714228″ locale=”UK” tag=”scajonblo0e-21″]Click on this link to order your copy today.[/easyazon_link]
You will develop a heightened sense of awareness and view others objectively ‘If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, even the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher,’ Pema Chodron
Stop for a moment and look around you. What opinions do you have of the people that you see? On what basis are you making those judgments? Are they learned behaviours from past experiences or are you projecting your own insecurities onto them?
Whatever the reason you are judging people without knowing them.
Learn to become less judgemental and to put all of your prejudices aside and as you begin to understand how you react to somebody else’s irritating behaviour or cutting comments you benefit in two ways.
Your may amend your own behaviours when you understand how others may perceive them and you will not allow the behaviours of others to impact upon your emotions in a negative way.
You will become more receptive and open and this will attract people to you. We are social animals and as we connect with others this benefits both us and them.
You will feel less stress and anxiety and you will be able to deal with dramas and conflict far better. If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem can’t be solved worrying will do you no good – Gautama Buddha
Do I need to add anything else to the above point? I think that the accompanying quote covers it. No ifs, no buts. You simply need to teach yourself how to stop worrying, but don’t worry – I have that one covered too.
By popular demand I am going to bring you a quick course which is all about learning to believe in yourself. Make sure that you don’t miss out on the launch by signing up to receive emails – click here: ‘7 days to a more confident YOU!’ or follow me on
The 6 points above are just a starting point. My work as a self esteem mentor is taking me along a fabulous life changing journey. I have almost completed my training as a Master Mindfulness Practitioner and I now meditate regularly. I am passionate about supporting others on their own journey of self discovery and acceptance. The golden rule in everything is that first you need to accept and understand yourself and then everything else that you hope for will begin to fall into place.
As your confidence in your own abilities grow then your problems will no longer look quite so daunting. You will become a warrior and any new dramas which come along are simply proof that you can cope and will demonstrate how much you have grown and moved on.
If you have any questions or comments on this article I would love to hear from you – either in the comment section below or in a private message if you prefer.
Don’t miss future updates and don’t miss the chance to your own self empowerment.
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Online Harassment & Cyber Stalking: charged with stalking but it continues
All bloggers love receiving comments. It’s their life blood. There’s that thrill that most creative people crave and the buzz when their work is acknowledged or their audience grows. Creative people NEED to entertain in whatever medium they have chosen to work. Sadly online harassment and cyber stalking can be an unwelcome side-product of a life online. And often, despite being charged with stalking the harassment can continue.
I am a blogger and one day when I was checking my new contacts I felt sick to my stomach. A name from my past had popped up on the screen in front of me.
A man who had been convicted of stalking and harassment and who had been charged with a LIFETIME non-molestation order by a British court and ordered to stay away from me and who was in addition banned from attempting to make any contact with me had signed up to follow my blog.
Online harassment
Now he hadn’t just typed my blog name Scarlet Jones Travels into his browser. He had specifically signed up to receive my free guide ‘Things to know before you travel’ which meant that he would now be sent an email every time I posted an article.
That’s not simply stalking. That’s also harassment.
Why would anybody do something like this after being charged with stalking in a court for his crime? Research comes up with some possible reasons.
It could be because he is arrogant and believes himself to be above the law.
I have a totally awesome blog and he doesn’t want to miss a single post.
Maybe he is a narcissist and has no empathy or consideration for anybody except himself.
Perhaps because he is controlling and manipulative and he is determined that he WILL have the last word.
He is a bully who wants me to know that he is still watching me and keeping tabs on me.
And/or he hates to think that I can cope without him and I am getting on with my life (yes, I was once married to this man for twenty five years!)
Who knows what goes on in a mind like this, but I could go on all day listing possible reasons as to why he thinks he can stick two fingers up at the British judicial system.
Living with the Dominator
Pat Craven has written an absolutely AWESOME book called ‘Living with the Dominator‘ which explains all about emotional abuse far better than I can. Pat outlines varies character types and the reasons why some people feel the need to bully, control and manipulate. In my opinion, everybody should read this in order to understand the insidious creeping strangulating problem that is domestic violence. You may be lucky and not experience an abusive relationship first-hand but one in four women do.
Could you recognise the signs? We keep them well hidden you know.
Previously this man who signed up to follow my articles had actually taken the trouble to track down some of the people who had commented on my blog and he sent them nasty and inappropriate emails. He had taken the trouble to contact friends and business associates that I have collaborated with and he had advised them that they shouldn’t be working with me.
Why?
Because I left him!
What to do about cyber stalking?
I am in the business of blogging. Blogs are public.
I am not able to remove his name nor am I unable to block him from my ‘follow’ list. He has to unsubscribe himself. Fat chance of that! (Refer to the same list of possible reasons above)
The funny thing is that when this man was questioned by the police he claimed that I was the one who continued to make contact with him. Hmmm….NO!! (Note: women will also stalk and harass. This is not just a male thing)
Whilst I love to engage with my audience, the delivery of my blog articles is fully automated. I have more than 10,000 followers across my social media sites but I can’t imagine why my stalker is sitting at home and getting excited every time a blog update from me pops into his inbox. Apparently I have ruined his life so why would he be interested in mine?
Other blogger friends have their trolls who follow them and who give them problems too. What makes my situation different is that my stalker has served a sentence of two hundred hours community service for his crime of harassment and stalking. Yet still he continues.
I feel NOTHING for him.
And I don’t care about his life. I don’t care in the same way that I don’t care what the uncle of Joe Blogs who lives in Kansas is doing.
They say that the best revenge is a good success. I am not out for revenge (I truly DON’T care) but as my arrogant, narcissistic stalker will no doubt be reading this as may your own arrogant narcissistic stalker, I want to point out that I am getting on with my life.
I am living a nomadic lifestyle and working via my laptop I am supporting other survivors of cyber bullying and emotional abuse – the sort that destroys one’s self esteem. I help survivors believe in themselves again via the Smash the Pumpkin Project.
I will not stop blogging
I will not close down my business
I will not stop writing
I will live MY life MY way
I will continue to inspire and to encourage others
I will continue to bring you articles about my travels
I will believe in myself and not in the crap that I was fed during the time that I was with this man
Stalking Awareness now has its own campaign week allocated to it in the national social calendar along with Quit Smoking and the National Walk to School Week. Domestic violence and especially emotional abuse has been running as a storyline in the British radio drama, the Archers which has raised awareness and the domestic violence laws in the UK have recently been improved..
There is much more understanding about the effects of coercive control and things are slowly improving in favour of the victim survivor.
We, the survivors, are not the ones who should be adapting our behaviours. We should not have to change our names, or move home or relocate to a different continent.
We can however take steps to protect ourselves – you could carry a personal alarm – [easyazon_link identifier=”B00NSJOBIC” locale=”UK” tag=”scajonblo0e-21″]this small one fits in the palm of your hand[/easyazon_link]- and you should always be aware of your surroundings.
Can you identify with the issues in this article?
If you are reading this and you are a rational human being do you think that it is fair to subject a person to unwanted and uninvited attention?
Can’t you accept that no means no? I don’t love you anymore actually means I DO NOT love you anymore. Or maybe you subscribe to the school of thought that says that women invite rape because of how they are dressed or maybe you think that it’s fun to pull the legs off a daddy-long-legs?
And what does your current partner think of your obsession if you have one? Are they happy with the situation – or perhaps you have also manipulated them and undermined their self confidence? Are they aware that you have a criminal record for HARASSMENT? That should be a red flag in anybody’s book. Leopards don’t change their spots nor can you teach an old dog new tricks.
I started blogging as a means of communicating my situation to friends and family when I was too stressed to tell them what was happening in my life.
I started travelling because I had always wanted to experience new cultures and traditions and to know what it was like to feel free.
I continue blogging because of you, my audience, you who contact me by email, Facebook, personal message or who enter your comments at the end of my blog articles. You – my reader – who asks me what the chicken buses are like in South America or what fried crickets taste like.
I continue travelling because I love the lifestyle and the freedom. I no longer have to think up excuses about why I forgot to record Coronation Street or explain why………..!
(And on a travel related note I can fit most of my life into my Osprey Rucksack which I LOVE and fits me so well I don’t feel restricted or confined in an emergency – I can’t recommend this bag highly enough) – [easyazon_link identifier=”B014EBL482″ locale=”UK” tag=”scajonblo0e-21″]you can find out for yourself at this link[/easyazon_link]
If you have been affected by online harassment or any of the issues raised in this article; maybe somebody you know has been charged with stalking and won’t stop, then do drop me an email or comment in the box below.
If you are that person who is carrying out the online harassment and stalking – then stop it right now. For your own sake and for those around you. Get a life and be happy.
And if you are a survivor of domestic abuse and as a consequence you have low self-confidence or low self-esteem, I will be able to help you with that.
The Smash the Pumpkin Project is a system of support and empowerment which is especially relevant to anybody who is a survivor of domestic abuse (although not exclusively for survivors of domestic abuse – it’s suitable for just about anybody who likes a challenge). You can now sign up and trial the first month – a donation will be appreciated if you like and benefit from your experience.
Click on the box below to get more details about the course or contact me by email at info@scarletjonestravels.com if you want further information.
This post contains affiliate links and/or references to our advertisers. We may receive compensation when you click on or make a purchase using these links
Scarlet Jones Travels is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com
